Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nutella sex= disaster
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
