covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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