super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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