cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
