Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
