I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
