yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
