i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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