oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
