There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
