I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm having to shit out rocks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
