Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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