My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
