i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize