after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
