How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
