I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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