thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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