It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
