no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love you. Go after that dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
