he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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