I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
