If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
