I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
