I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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