"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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