My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
