I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
