my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
