she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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