someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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