6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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