Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
