I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize