How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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