that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
