Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
