I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
