It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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