there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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