come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
