im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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