all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
