i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
