It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize