Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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