did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
barbara walters just said penis...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
