I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
