I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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