it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
