Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
