So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
