ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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