I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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