i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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