I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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