theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
