tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i will never coherently bang her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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