So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
