My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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