yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
