big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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