A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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