My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
