OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize