i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
