one two three fourrrrnication!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
