So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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