We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
